17 Dec 2012

Bereavement Mood Swings And Custard Muscle

My Nana died on Saturday. Which is a god-awful beginning to a blog post, but I really just need to put it out there at the moment. For those who don’t know, Nana, or Nan, is a colloquial term for Grandma, usually maternal. I have (had?) my maternal grandmother, Nana, and my paternal grandmother, Grandmama. Spot the posh side of my family. I dare you.
We've been expecting this for a long time, if I’m honest. She’s been ill for months, which caused quite a bit of disruption in our house, before she was finally rushed into hospital last Thursday. She died very peacefully in her sleep, and we’re all just glad that she isn't in pain anymore. 
Because she’s been ill for so long, we've all been reacting quite oddly to it all. Mum’s been on tenterhooks for the last two months, and now it’s finally happened she seems to have relaxed, and stopped being so nervous. Which is nice, but has also given way to, what I call, custard muscle. This is a made up disease, where someone has been tense for so long, that when they finally relax, they become a puddle of custard on the floor, and then fall asleep.
Personally, I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet. I found out in the afternoon, on Saturday, while I was at a Welsh farmers market with my Dad, (see, posh side). Mum rang me up, and we had a very brief sob, before I put my mascara back on, and went to buy a lot of cake. Today I’m referring to it all as ‘bereavement mood swings’. I've spent the day either clinging desperately to everyone I know, or screaming at them to leave me alone (sorry, Ben). 

This is the song that’s been getting me through the day week month. It’s one of the very few songs that I've ever listened to and gone, “yes this is exactly how I feel and also the most inspirational thing in my whole life”. So I kind of recommend that you listen to it. 

While I’m here, I’d also really quite like to thank imjohnlocked for this stupidly lovely review of my fan fiction, If Your Memory Serves You Well. Gave me the push I really, really needed, although I'm pretty sure I don't deserve it. Also to Holli, for being my human teddy bear/hairbrush/masseuse.  Thank you. xx

Trying to stay optimistic, things that are great this week:
Kimberly and Pasha dance to Those Magnificent Men
Anwen and I upset some social justice bloggers with a post about tea
This photo of Robert Pattinson

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