Most of you probably know that I'm learning to drive at the moment. It's going well, although I have put my foot in it a few times. Here's some stuff you shouldn't say in a driving lesson. Not all of them are me; I'll let you guess which ones are direct quotes.
- "I'm really worried that I'm just going to run someone over. Possibly on purpose."
- "Have you ever rolled a car? Do you want to try?"
- "What would you do if I drove into that wall?"
- "Have you ever done 80mph in hearse? I have."
- "Why's it making that noise? Have I changed gear? Which gear am I in? Oh God, the noise is getting worse. The car hates me, WHY DOES THE CAR HATE ME?!"
- "What colour was that traffic light?"
- "The brake is that little lever behind the steering wheel, I would assume."
- "Well, I've driven a lorry before, but I was drunk that time, so I don't think it counts."
- "Can you just grab the wheel for me? I need to re-do my eyeliner."
- "OH SHIT, IT'S THE FUZZ."
Pointed reminder: I did NOT say all of these. I know the brake is that little button on the ceiling.