It’s been a very, very long time since I did this. Not as
long as it could be; it hasn’t been years, or decades. But it has been months,
and I find that really bloody annoying. It’s been a long time since I’ve sit
down and actually written, and because it’s been so long, it’s been much harder
to start. I can count about twenty hours worth of bus journeys where I’ve sat
and wracked my brains desperately for something funning, or interesting, or
witty to write about and every idea I’ve come up with has then been shot down
because I’ve been too scared, or didn’t think I could pull it off, or something
equally shallow and vapid.
It’s been phenomenally irritating. As the stretch where I
didn’t write became longer it became easier to come up with reasons why I
shouldn’t. And it’s got to the point where I’ve just got sick of the inside of
my own head being a lazy, scared prick, and I just want to do what I enjoy.
In the past, I wrote because I want people to like me.
Wanting people to like me is the main cause behind the majority of the things I
do, as I’m sure it is for many people. That’s still the main reason I write publicly,
but that’s now tied in with the idea that I want to improve. Where I blog most
of the time it involves having an idea for a title, or something that I found
interesting/annoying, or stealing an idea from someone else, and then just
hammering out 500 words on the topic blindly, without really thinking in
through, and then not reading it back before I posted it. To be honest, that’s
what this post is going to be. But I want to change what comes next. I want to
be a better writing, and a better entertainer. This is going to be a learning
curve for all of us. I want to plan properly, come up with proper ideas and
arguments, and write real jokes. I love comedy, and journalism, and politics,
and I want to be good at them. Mostly because I want people to like me, but
also because I want to like myself.
I’m not going to read this back, because I know I’ll think I’m
whining (I am) and I’ll bottle out. NO. JUST POST THAT DAMN THING. STOP BLOODY
FRETTING.IT’LL BE FINE. Probably. Or I might finally start receiving the hate
mail I’ve been suspecting is coming my way for years – but that just might be
me being pedantic.
Okay. Don’t red it back. Just press send.
